Reflections of Dorm Life

Here is a picture of me when I was sick and I didn't feel very good.

I have to write a paper and it's 2 a.m. I hate writing papers. It has become one of the hardest things for me to do since being in college. It takes me so long to finally get started and it takes me so long to painstakingly crank it out. Usually it comes to a point where it's due the next day and it's late and I'm tired and I think, I don't care if it sucks I'm just going to do it and at least get some points. But usually the paper isn't that bad.

Some days I feel so emotionally exhausted. I cannot wait until the dorm life portion of my life is over. I have learned to live with it but I still don't like it. I think the main reason is that I can't handle people. All through high school I had gotten used to doing my own thing in peace and quiet most of the time. I miss having those breaks. Sometimes I got lonely, but there is a balance between time spent with others and time spent alone. I was more content with life back then.

Sometimes I can't stand aspects mainstream culture. Example: the idea that guys are only friends with girls they would date. Stupid, stupid, stupid! STUPID! I hate that idea, and it has absolutely no foundation, other than the fact that males are socialized into such a ridiculous idea. Another thing that bothers me: the approach that people take to romantic relationships. It seems to me that there is this distance between males and females in relationships that is created because it is viewed as just a game. (A game when taken in the context of BYU has eternal consequences.) It feels like people aren't connecting with themselves and others. One day I saw a poster for a "Healthy Relationship Conference" hanging in the Wilkinson Center. One of the classes was entitled, "You tricked me but that's OK." It made me angry. Well I guess once you are married then there is not a lot you can do but learn to live with it, so there is a place for that kind of class; however, I feel that there should be a class teaching people how to stop treating marriage like a game or a conquest and to start being honest with themselves and others, so they don't have to trick people. I hate it when people show more loyalty to their friends than their girlfriend and/or boyfriend. For one, I don't feel that's the right way to approach a relationship, and two, I don't think caring friends should try to demand more loyalty, they should give you your space if you need it. I think if friends were actually observant and caring they would recognize that and just let you have your space, not selfishly try to bend you to their will. Mainstream male culture would call me a "Hoes before Bros" guy, and I guess you're right, but mainstream male culture can go to hell.

One other thing, I am so thankful to have the roommate that I have. There are some people who live on my floor that would drive me absolutely crazy. In fact they do drive me crazy, but if they were roommate it would be unbearable. He is funny, he is nice, and he isn't overbearing.

Sometimes I am afraid that I don't entirely communicate my ideas and people read them and get the wrong idea. I am afraid that people might get that feeling from this. Oh well.